If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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