I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
