He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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