somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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