I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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