My friends, they love my intelligence
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
PANTIES FOUND
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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