So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
