you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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