my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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