i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
