He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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