we're blogging at a bar
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
