I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
