I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize