Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize