I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
