He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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