its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize