I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize