I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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