guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
