I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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