someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i out mim tonsoeep
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