But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
This is not my ceiling
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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