...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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