ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
