idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
