if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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