You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
