I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
