She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize