I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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