Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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