HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
