Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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