If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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