I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
