so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
