I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
