So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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