this just has baby written all over it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
