Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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