i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
