For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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