She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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