my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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