Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
