i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
