Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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