i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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