Quick, to the slutcave!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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