Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
