im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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