My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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