Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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