There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
