My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
