I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
