About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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