Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize