Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
