So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
