Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
