I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
