You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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