I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have fence marks all over my body
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
