you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize