I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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