we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
