I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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