I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
