Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
pray to the hookup gods
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
