you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
