once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
