You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize