ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
