my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
