I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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