Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My hand turned me down
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
