I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
