he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize