As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
