i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
