I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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