why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
