I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
