just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
