You're so nebulous sometimes
farters have to be the big spoon...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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