Got a toothbrush?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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