he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
