frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
