A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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