also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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