I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
