I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
