well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
