It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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