I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
