What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
3pm strippers are depressing
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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