he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
