Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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