okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
