If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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