Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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