The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
