Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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