I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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