I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
