I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Umm I'm too high to move.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
