Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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