its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize