I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
